Originally published on BabyCenter.com October 23, 2013

I have discovered a way to make my son do what I want, and it involves using funny voices.

About half of everything I do as a parent is done in order to amuse myself. For some reason, I think having a teddy bear using complex terminology in a funny voice is funny. So once in a while I have my son’s teddy talk to him about biology and nutrition. While brushing his teeth the other night, the bear started babbling about bicuspids, incisors, and the importance of protecting tooth enamel. Before breakfast the next morning, the bear gave a talk about the various vitamins and minerals available in vegetables. And then when I asked my son what he wanted for breakfast, he responded, “Waffles and carrots.”

He wound up eating more carrots than waffles.

When it comes to doing voices, I’m not exactly Mel Blanc. The teddy is a super bear, dressed in a cape and mask and looking like he could probably smash a meteorite headed for Earth if he needed to. The voice that I inexplicably gave him sounds like Ricky the Raptor from the American Dad Christmas episode “Rapture’s Delight” with a slight southern twang. But if it works, I guess I can’t complain too much.

This isn’t the case of my son thinking his teddy is actually talking to him. I used to try to hide my mouth when I spoke to him through his teddy, but he figured my act out almost immediately. He’s just amused by my antics. In fact, he encourages them. When he fell over while playing recently, I asked if he was okay. He gave me a stern look and said, “Make Teddy ask me that.”

Now I just have to figure out if he’s laughing with me or laughing at me.

In effect, I have become a clown who performs for my son in exchange for him eating properly. Previously, the best way to get him to eat his vegetables was to make some soup, since he’s learned to love sitting on the porch on an autumn day and eating soup with his dad. I can apparently skip the trouble of boiling water if I perform my little talking teddy routine. This may just be the place where my personal laziness meets my lack of dignity and somehow produces useful results.

_{Featured Image: William Warby, CC BY 2.0, cropped and resized}