Sorry, but I’m Perfectly Happy if My Daughter is a Girly Girl

Originally published on BabyCenter.com September 7, 2016

“Don’t let your daughter be a girly girl.”

This is something that multiple people have told me. I’ve been warned not to let my daughter dress in pink, not to show her Disney Princess movies, and to generally shelter her from the things that modern society associates with femininity. And while I can see good intentions behind that thinking, I disagree with it.

I recently wrote a novel called Conquest of Greystone Valley, which is targeted toward young adult girls. It’s a sequel to my previous novel, Greystone Valley, which I wrote before I started giving any thought toward gender politics in fiction. This time around, I started thinking about the girly girl conundrum, so to speak.

I hadn’t written Greystone Valley with gender in mind, but I was happy in retrospect that it had several strong role-models for girls. As an author, that’s a good thing – I’ve written stories that don’t pass basics like the Bechdel Test, and it’s kind of a lousy feeling to have that be your blind spot.

However, one thing I did notice about my story is that the protagonist, Sarah, was very much a tomboy. And actually, the most common way that writers make a “strong” female character is to make her more masculine. A good example in Disney films would be Merida and Mulan.

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You’re More Likely to Forget a Kid in the Car Than You Think

Originally published on BabyCenter.com August 24, 2016

Every summer, there are entirely too many cases of children dying in hot cars. Despite this being many parents’ worst fear, it happens to an average of 37 children every year. And the really unfortunate thing about these tragedies is they can happen to anybody – even you.

It doesn’t take a negligent parent to forget their child. It doesn’t even take an absent-minded one. Sadly, the reason so many kids get forgotten in the back seat of the car during the summer boils down to biology. Our brains are betraying us. Preventing this problem means outsmarting human nature.

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Could the Sugar High Really be a Parenting Urban Legend?

Originally published on BabyCenter.com August 18, 2026

It’s a story that every parent knows: you bake some cookies or take your kid to the fair, and an hour later they’re bouncing off the walls and driving you crazy. Bloody sugar highs. But almost 20 years of research indicates that the legendary sugar high doesn’t really exist at all.

If you’re anything like me, the suggestion that a sugar rush is a myth has you shaking your head. I don’t care what kind of research they’ve done. I don’t care that studies dating as far back as 1994 all come to the same conclusion. This phenomenon must exist because I’ve seen it myself.

Or have I? Maybe seeing isn’t believing. Maybe because I’ve been told from an early age that sugar causes you to get hyper, and because I myself used to go nuts when I had sugary treats as a kid, my own brain is wired to see signs that aren’t really there.

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What Are We Saying When We Call a Dad a Babysitter?

Originally published on BabyCenter.com May 4, 2016

Some time ago, Al Ferguson of The Dad Network posted a picture of himself wearing a t-shirt that read, “Dads don’t babysit. (It’s called “parenting”)” This being the Internet, it has since resurfaced and sparked a debate about a dad’s role in the parenting process.

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My Kids Became a Butt-Kicking Princess and a Friendly Zombie

Originally published on BabyCenter.com March 9, 2016

I don’t try to get my kids interested in my hobbies, but it’s inevitable to a certain degree. I spend time watching Little Einsteins and drinking imaginary tea, and in turn they want to join in my card games and help me write. That’s how they got involved in a role-playing game with me this past weekend.

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My Son’s 5 Important Football Questions Made Me Smile

Originally published on BabyCenter.com February 10, 2016

As the Super Bowl approached, my son suddenly developed an interest in football. This works out for me, since American football is the one sport I know a good deal about. It did, however, bring me into the conundrum of how I should let him pick his favorite team.

Despite living in New England, I’m a Giants fan. Sorry, Patriots, but my dad followed football before you guys were a franchise, and the Giants used to hold their training camp up here in Vermont. I like Tom Brady and company, but I just can’t bring myself to really care about their success or failure.

At the same time, I don’t want my kids to select their preferences based only on what I like. My dad was a pro at this – he would take deliberately contrary views, sometimes even spouting some very offensive ideology, with the ultimate goal of making us stand up for our beliefs. He used this tactic for just about everything, from sports to serious issues like racism.

I can take my dad’s lessons to heart, but I can’t replicate them, even with something as trivial as sports. If my kids ever become Cowboys fans, they’re just going to have to deal with me throwing up in my mouth a little whenever they wear something with that damned star on it.

(Then again, if my kids ever wind up playing or working for the Cowboys, go Dallas!)

We have biased our kids a little bit toward the Giants, but I deem that to be necessary. Our son’s first football season saw them reach the Super Bowl, so we couldn’t not get him some Giants gear. They’ve gone 22-34 since our daughter was born, so she hasn’t been quite so lucky.

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What do You do When Your Kid Can’t Stand You?

Originally published on BabyCenter.com February 3, 2016

For my daughter the words, “Do you want to spend time with Daddy?” often elicit tears and shrieks. I don’t want to say she doesn’t like me, but I’m clearly not her favorite parent. In fact, there are times when it seems like she’d rather be alone than have me in the room at all.

That’s not to say there aren’t times when we’re buddies. If she’s napped well during the day and my wife isn’t around, she’ll play with me, dance with me, and genuinely enjoy herself. But if she’s tired or Mommy is an option at all, she usually wants me to keep my distance.

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How Two Kids and a 91-Year-Old Help Me Keep My Cool

Originally published on BabyCenter.com December 11, 2015

My bus ride into work the other day featured somebody behind me who was very upset at the driver. Over and over, he kept muttering to the person next to him, “That f***ing foreigner.” It was one of the more depressing ways I could have started my day.

Effing foreigner…spoken as though the word foreigner was a slur. As though being a foreigner was a bad thing and as though the driver was less of a person because of the place he was born. The venom with which the person spat that word lingered in my head for the rest of the day.

Certainly, there are about a million worse words that could have been said, but sometimes the way somebody uses a word speaks louder than the word itself. And since America has seemingly lost its collective mind over the past couple of weeks, this extra dose of xenophobia was the straw that broke my back.

In addition to my wife, who is always an amazing sounding board for my thoughts, three people helped me get out of my shocked, depressed funk and move on with my week. Two of them are under five years old, and one of them is in his 90s.

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My Brain Hates the Idea of Giving My Kids a Tablet

Originally published on BabyCenter.com December 2, 2015

Sooner or later, technology leaves us all feeling old. As my wife and I browse through Christmas gift ideas, the number of new gadgets out there is making me wistful for the days of Tandy Computers and the Sega Genesis. Now we’re faced with a new question: are our kids old enough for a tablet?

My gut says no, but the more I think about it, the less I have an actual argument beyond pure geezer instinct. I myself didn’t have any sort of real computer until I was in my senior year of high school, and that fact is probably the number one reason I said “No” at first.

This is definitely a first world problem. It’s also a case where I don’t feel like I’m doing harm if I just say “No” to giving my kids a portable screen to carry around. But the more I look into the subject, the more it becomes that my objections are more emotional than logical.

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5 Things I Learned as a New Hockey Dad

Originally published on BabyCenter.com November 5, 2015

Hockey season has begun, and our son has taken to the ice for the first time. By default, he’s already better on skates than I am, since he’s able to move about ten feet before falling down. This season’s all about learning to skate, which means all the hitting and actual competition can wait.

Hockey is a realm where I have very little experience. I’m a big football fan, and I played soccer, basketball, and baseball at an intramural level in school. But hockey is an area where I’m only passingly familiar with the rules and the idea of hitting a puck around the ice is foreign to me.

Since this is such a new experience for me, and since this is only my second time dealing with the sports-dad scene, I’m learning quite a bit. Here are a few of the basic discoveries I’ve come across so far:

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