^{Originally published on BabyCenter.com October 10, 2013}

You need to talk to your kids about sex, and you need to do it earlier than you might think.

A recent survey whose finds were published in JAMA Pediatrics this month found that almost 1 in 10 14- to 21-year-olds admitted to perpetrating sexual violence. This includes forced sexual contact of an unwanted nature such as kissing, coercing others into sexual acts, attempted rapes, and successful rapes, among other situations. That’s somewhere between 2 million and 3 million youths who are going to find themselves in this type of situation.

Now, a note on the survey. On one hand, it’s an Internet survey, which means that it’s not necessarily the most accurate thing out there. On the other hand, it’s also relying on self-reporting data. Do you know what happens when you put out a self-reporting survey involving sexual violence? You usually get numbers that are lower than they actually are.

The survey found that sexual violence among 14- and 15-year-olds was 98% likely to be perpetrated by a male. For 16- and 17-year-olds, that number drops to 90%. By ages 18 and 19, though, it’s down to around 50%. That’s an important reminder that women can be the perpetrators as well and men are often victims, too.

My point in citing these statistics isn’t to frighten parents, but rather to emphasize a couple of findings. First, I like to point out when I can that, contrary to a lot of popular belief, men can be victims of rape and sexual assault as well. The more we can understand that, the more we can hopefully see sexual violence as an issue that affects everybody and that isn’t cut and dried along gender lines.

Second, the study found that 33% of attempted rapists in this group had frequent exposure to sexually-charged or violent material in media, compared to only 4% of non-perpetrators. And that’s a stat I really think might be worth exploring in more detail.

I almost always argue against people who say that sex and violence in media are corrupting our youth, and I’ll do it again here. I don’t think that sex and violence on TV or in video games breeds rapists or anything of the sort. However, I do think it’s going to make an impression on kids if they don’t have a parent explaining how things really are.

When it comes to sex and romance in our media, America has some pretty messed up stuff out there. Just off the top of my head, I recall seeing an episode of Glee where the protagonist Mr. Schuester forces a kiss on one of his colleagues in what is supposed to be a romantic gesture but which is actually something that should have gotten him suspended or fired on the spot. Similarly, Dr. Cameron in House spent a good chunk of the first season trying to blackmail her boss into a date. This was somehow presented as a good thing, when in fact it was a blatant case of sexual harassment.

Now if you’ve got a 14-year-old watching these shows with no other knowledge of how sexual relationships work, that might start to give that child the impression that that’s how relationships are supposed to work. On the other hand, if that kid’s parents have an open and honest discussion about sex, it’s more likely that those television antics will be seen as what they are – part of a fictional construct that is there for entertainment and not as a guide to tell you how to live your life.

Sex is being presented in more ways than ever before, and kids today are exposed to media from more sources than ever before. It would be a shame for things like Glee or Two and a Half Men or even Facebook memes decide how our kids approach something as potentially life-changing as sex. So you need to talk to your kids about sex, even as early as 10 or 11 years old. You need to make sure they understand that coercing somebody into a sexual act isn’t okay, and you need to make sure that they take steps to keep themselves from being victims.

TV isn’t going to corrupt our children, but it is going to teach them the wrong lessons if we don’t step in as teachers ourselves.

_{Featured Image: Sabine Sauermaul}