^{Originally published June 7, 2013 on BabyCenter.com}

Sara McGinnis posted a very good blog entry about Paris Jackson’s recent suicide attempt and about the dangers of depression in general. The blog got me thinking about something that seems obvious to me but that I had never really considered before: someday, I’m going to have to talk to my children about suicide and depression.

I myself suffer from clinical depression and have survived two suicide attempts. One of the first things I can tell anybody about this subject is that if you want to be really bad at something, suicide is the best thing to be bad at. The fact that I have depression means that my children are more likely to have that condition as well. Even if they don’t, they will likely know somebody who suffers from depression or a similarly serious issue. So when the time comes, what are the important things to tell kids about depression?

Well, for starters…

It’s not just about your mood. Depression isn’t just a matter of being sad. It’s not something that you can just shake off by doing things that cheer you up. It is effectively your brain betraying you. Even if you know you don’t have any reason to be depressed, the chemicals in your head are going to screw you. Telling somebody with depression to cheer up is about as effective as telling a case of herpes to go away.

It doesn’t make you weak or crazy. There is a huge problem with the way we perceive mental illness in America. You can commit a crime and make up for it through community service, but once you’ve been treated for mental illness, you often get stuck with the label of being crazy. Depression or any other mental illness is just that – an illness. It is not an insult about your character, and it does not make you worse as a person.

You don’t grow out of it. Unfortunately, depression is an illness that most likely will last your entire lifetime. Want evidence of this? Check out Stephen Fry, who has recently opened up about a suicide attempt of his own from last year, when he was 54 years old. From a logical perspective, Stephen Fry would be one of the last people who would ever experience depression. He has fame, fortune, a strong network of friends, and is one of the most talented and beloved people on the planet. But depression isn’t logical, and you unfortunately don’t get rid of it over time. If anything, you only get better at knowing how to defend yourself against it.

The most important thing is to know your warning signs. Some people can treat depression with medication. Some people can’t. If you treat serious depression as a chronic illness, the one defense that somebody in this situation has is that they will hopefully learn their warning signs and what to do about it. I ran into this shortly before the birth of my son, when money problems and the changes in my lifestyle had me panicking and thinking some dark thoughts. Fortunately, my employer has a generous employee help program that allowed me to talk to somebody until my mood swung back toward normal. For me, it’s a combination of therapy and writing that gets my mood balanced. Hopefully my kids, if they suffer from depression, can have it that easy. If they have it worse, then it becomes even more important to know when you’re starting to get down and might need help. Most importantly, listen to the advice of doctors and take your medication, attend your therapy sessions, and do whatever it takes to protect yourself. You wouldn’t skip out on taking heart medication just because you haven’t had a heart attack in the last couple of years, so don’t consider skipping depression medication just because you’ve been feeling good lately.

Of course, the biggest thing to emphasize about depression is not to be afraid to talk about it. Hopefully, by talking to my kids about depression and other mental illnesses, I can send the message that they can talk to me and their mother if they need help. Having somebody to reach out to can indeed save a life.

_{Featured Image: George Hodan}