^{Originally published on BabyCenter.com March 27, 2013}

If you look at popular media from a generation or two ago, you see men who are largely removed from the birthing process. There are images of expectant fathers pacing in the waiting room or, in times long past, chain smoking at the hospital. Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising to us, then, that there are a number of fathers-to-be that don’t plan to be in the delivery room during their child’s birth.

Personally, the idea of not being in the delivery room never crossed my mind as a parent-to-be. I was just praying that I could avoid fainting. But there might be reasons why an expectant father doesn’t want to be there at the moment of birth. It might be a callback to pre-1970s tradition where the dad wasn’t supposed to see the birthing process. It might be a fear of seeing the woman he loves in agony and not being able to do anything about it. Or maybe the dad-to-be is following the advice of doctors like Michael Odent, who suggested in 2009 that a father being in the delivery room is a potential hindrance.

I am not a medical professional, so far be it for me to question the expertise of Dr. Odent and those who have similar medical opinions. However, I think there are some key advantages to being in the delivery room.

1)      Your mom-to-be might need support. Never let anybody take away from the fact that what women accomplish during the birthing process is amazing. But it’s also one of the single most traumatic experiences anybody can go through. This is a time when guys need to man up and help their loved ones through the process, whether it’s encouraging one more push or just reminding the future mom of what is on the way.

2)      You know your loved one’s body better than most others. Hey, that’s one of the reasons you’re both in this situation. A doctor can know all the right procedures, but you know how your loved one’s body responds to certain stimuli. This is a huge boon when it comes to helping with breathing, massaging between pushes, or doing anything else that can help calm the future mom down and reduce the pain.

3)      There might be a lot of goo, but you really don’t want to miss it. If you’re a first-time parent-to-be, take my word for it. Despite all the screaming and blood and goo, there is nothing better than when the baby finally comes out. Cutting the umbilical cord, seeing the baby calm down when his mommy gives him his first hug, and then holding the little one in his first moments are all among the best experiences life has to offer. Yes, I did almost (almost) faint at the end of labor, but not because of squeamishness. I had just never been so overwhelmed with emotions. (Bonus: while I was sitting down with my head between my knees, I got to avoid seeing the afterbirth.)

So my bias aside, is there ever a good reason for the father-to-be not to be in the delivery room? Sure there is. If you don’t respond well under pressure, if the mother-to-be doesn’t want you to be there, or if there is a potential emergency situation that the doctors need space for, you might want to stick to the old ways of wearing out the waiting room carpet (but no smoking – hospitals these days hate that).

However, this is a situation where I think it’s best to err on the side of “yes.” First of all, if you’re apprehensive but your loved one asks you to be there, you should make an effort. As much stress as the birthing process is for guys, it’s nothing compared to what women go through, and they don’t get the luxury of bailing on the whole thing. Second of all, just as a woman is typically stronger for having gone through the process, a man can surprise himself with his own strength in this situation. Our  struggles may be just a drop in the ocean compared to a woman’s struggles, but the birth of a child is one of those moments where everybody involved is stronger for having been there. Even if you think it’s too gross to handle or that you’ll only get in the way, you’ll be surprised with what you can endure and how worth it the entire process is.

Obviously, you should heed the advice of your doctor above all else, but unless there is a medical reason for not being in the delivery room, I highly suggest that guys push themselves through it. You will experience one of the greatest miracles ever, and you will be stronger for it.

_{Featured Image: Sarah Brooks}