^{Originally posted on BabyCenter.com on January 25, 2018}

I’m not an expert when it comes to the clinical side of depression. I’m just one of the millions who have to deal with it on a fairly regular basis. Because I focus so much on my kids’ well-being, I sometimes forget to take time out for myself. That’s when depression catches up.

The value of family

Family is a funny thing in this regard. A spouse and children are invaluable for emotional support, but certain parts of parenthood create more stress, not less. An increased financial burden, lack of sleep, and more can all conspire to make things feel harder sometimes.

I used to handle depression in one of two ways: either shutting down or breaking down. Shutting down meant that I spent days or sometimes weeks becoming a lump. It wasn’t a terribly healthy way of handling depression, but it was better than breaking down, which involved actively doing things that were harmful to myself.

Neither of those things were good options before I became a parent, and they’re especially bad choices now that I have kids. Both choices mean neglecting the people for whom I am responsible. So, while being a parent doesn’t make my depression disappear, it does get me thinking about better ways to handle it.

Exercise tends to help

As much as I hate to admit it, exercise does a good job of alleviating depression. I hate to admit it because the act of actually getting on a treadmill and running to nowhere makes me feel like a hamster in a wheel. But it also releases endorphins that help fight depression and anxiety.

Despite the benefits of exercise, there’s not a lot of time in the parenting day to hit the gym. The only solution I’ve found to the time problem is to exercise with the kids somehow. The video game Wii Fit isn’t perfect for this, but it gets me moving while getting the kids engaged, too. Making exercise a game rather than a chore probably helps to form good habits later on in life.

It’s okay to talk to kids about depression

Normally I shut up about my depression because I’m an idiot. I don’t mean this in a self-deprecating way, nor do I intend to imply that I’m abnormally dumb in this regard. Most people tend to clam up about mental or emotional troubles, when those issues should be treated the same as physical injuries.

The other day I came out and told my kids that I had been feeling down, but that spending time with them made my day brighter. Saying it out loud was more for my benefit than theirs, but they picked up on it quickly.

They asked why I was sad and what they could do to help — things I didn’t think they’d consider at all. The resulting talk about moods didn’t last for very long, but it did feel productive. Hopefully, it also let them know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings should they need to.

It’s worth noting, though, that this was a minor bout. Had I been having thoughts of self-harm, I probably wouldn’t have spoken about them…at least not to my kids. Hopefully, I’m wise enough now to talk to a professional when help is really needed.

No real solutions

It’s always hard to handle depression, but it’s even tougher when you’re a parent. Our parental blind spots cause us to ignore not only physical risks to ourselves, but also emotional ones.

Kids aren’t a cure for depression, and they can even exacerbate it sometimes. However, having more loved ones in your life can at least help you to realize how much you matter. Hopefully, for parents who feel totally overwhelmed, the love of their children can convince them to seek help before things get of control.

The valuable thing I’ve learned about depression as a parent is that kids can handle talking about it. It’s not something you have to hide from your children, and that makes you a little less alone when things get bad.

_{Featured Image: George Hodan}